Creating Good Vibes on a 1st Date

And what is that?… Forget about the squishy romantic first date! Really? Well, after boatloads of costly trial and error, I have concluded that it might be time to put the classic “Lance Romance” style first date out to pasture for good. You know what I’m talking about here?… the kind of deal where you break out the old American Express card and spring for the best candlelight dinner at some upscale bistro with the most expensive menu around?

These formal dates invariably tended to find some way of turning into exploding cigars on me… and I’ve got the scorch marks all over my bank account to prove it!

The ability to impress women with this sort of old fashioned, dating-by-the-numbers junk has been steadily losing its power over the generations anyway as females become more and more empowered and modernized. Women are beginning to expect a bit more creativity from men as regards dating — and I think that those who can deliver the psychological goods possess a definitive edge nowadays.

So what’s the alternative to dinner and a movie?…

Well, I say you can avoid all those expensive dangers AND throw her that slick creative curveball by sticking to ACTION-themed first dates. I’m talking about activities like skiing or dancing, or even… bowling. Bowling? Trust me, unless she’s a high-class gold-digging snob, you have a better chance of connecting with a chick on a stupid bowling date than by sitting across from her in a dim restaurant, slowly getting drunk and spilling out your sad and lonely guts to her. Guys get themselves into big trouble by revealing WAY too much about themselves way too soon in these types of “I need a girl to understand me” blab sessions, and they end up blowing all their male mystery to shreds. And with it, their game… and often, their chance at date #2 as well.

Premature romantic dates carry with them the possibility of devolving into ugly spitting contests as much as they do a roll in the sack, and usually due to some minor issue that should’ve never come up in the first place. Remember, this early on in the mutual “feeling out” process she might be searching for anything bad to justify pulling the ripcord on you — and like some punk breaking under a good waterboarding you will surely crack after a few hours of her relentless digging and questioning. I’ve done it myself, and it ain’t fun.

Action dates on the other hand, generally produce less of an opportunity for these long, potentially deadly conversations. The talk tends to center around the activity itself and less about troubled feelings or recently ended relationships and ex’s. Remember, Action Equals Passion because physical movement gets both the adrenaline and a woman’s emotions pumping in a similar fashion to sexual arousal — and on some level of her consciousness things can become confused to YOUR advantage!

As long as you keep the flirting going steady throughout the date, this playful teasing should continue to establish your romantic interest in her despite the non-romantic activity that you’re likely engaged in. At the very least it creates warm vibes which are the basis of connection and the deepening of the romantic trance. For a man, successfully seducing women is all about the hidden messages transmitted in his behavior. Sure, you have to dress halfway decent and with some style, stay reasonably well-groomed and la-dee-da… but the make-or-break factor will always be your powerful attitude that she has to be able to read between the lines.

So in that spirit, let’s take a look at a few ways in which you can create some positive energy on a first date vs. a few anti-matter negative goof-ups that can quickly pull things down into the “gutter of grief” if you’re not careful…

POSITIVE –

Keeping Your Male Attentions Solidly Focused on Her… This is an essential seduction skill: learning how to tune out the surrounding world and focus-in on any woman that you’re out with — as if the two of you were the only souls left in the universe. This relentless ego feed can be flattering to a woman in an almost breathtaking way. (Remember that… Focus is Flattering!) Of course, I must remind you to keep a steady hand on the wheel and avoid smothering her with a lot of ridiculous, subservient fawning. As always, balance is critical here.

Any and all early conversations with a woman should be about creating SPARKS between the two of you — not about trading boring name, rank and serial number-type information. Tease and flirt gently but relentlessly in order to convey your romantic interest — never allow her to see you as that well-meaning but UNsexy guy. This is a killer stereotype to get hung on yourself. Remember that a socially timid man is almost always viewed as little more than a potential friend by women — never as a possible lover.

NEGATIVE –

“Grading” Her Personality or Appearance… Never get yourself trapped into any sort of stupid discussion where it suddenly seems like an interesting idea to ponder what her “upside” or “downside” might likely be in the relationship that you’re already expecting to happen… “I can see that you’re a bit stubborn, which is a downside to becoming involved with you… but you also seem to have a great natural curiosity, which I find to be a real big plus!”

Well now isn’t that special.

This is pure condescension no matter how you word it. You have just assumed the role of teacher handing out the “grades”, and I guess she can only be the pupil in this scenario, right? Imagine if some dude you just met graded something about your character after only having known you for a few minutes… you’d certainly want to punch his lights out. Well, your date may not punch you in the face, but she’s likely to go stone cold on you for the rest of the evening. Having fun yet? Addressing her as “young lady” just because there’s an age gap between the two of you is another mudhole. Think about it — are you trying to become her daddy… or her Man?

Women generally refuse to submit to men in the guise of playful idiots like they did in the old days. So always try to remain on a psychologically equal level with her and avoid acting like some nit-picky “judge”. She’s not your girl yet… you throwback to the 5th century!

POSITIVE –

Using Lots of Clever Humor to Keep Her Giggling… When it comes to women, effective humor is all about your CLEVER commentary on the absurdities that surround us — not about the repeating of dumb Hustler jokes or doing lame celebrity impressions. That’s why they call it a SENSE of humor — you need to base your wit on a deeper sense of what’s going on around you… which often lies just beneath the obvious. So dig it out and make her laugh! Laughter is a tried-and-true way of creating unbearable lightness around women… which can be translated into heavier romantic feelings later on.

NEGATIVE –

Referring to Her in the Third Person… Instead of simply saying “What do you think of the shrimp scampi, Marsha?” you re-phrase it: “So, does Marsha like the shrimp scampi?”. This is how an adult talks to an adolescent in order to establish an impression of superiority over him or her. This kind of verbal stinkbomb drops an instant barrier between you and the woman by suggesting that the two of you are not on the same social / intellectual level, and that you consider her to be the inferior party. Only a woman with a case of very low self-esteem would let something like this slide by without being upset, and who needs to be messing around with losers like that?

The bottom line is this: if you take the time to bond with a woman FIRST by using the power of action before self-revelation, all your subsequent interactions with her have a better chance of turning delightful instead of deadly. Remember that my ideas are always designed to make dating and seduction as fun and interesting as possible in order to keep you motivated and participating in the oftentimes grinding, discouraging, “weeding-out” process.

That’s because PERSISTENCE is how you will eventually develop all those mad social skills that you’re searching for!

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Creating Effective and Efficient Relationships

Relationships of all kinds are often perceived as very delicate things, that require extra effort to maintain. However, a relationship can also be something that can provide security and can also be long lasting despite many trials.

Building an effective and lasting relationships is a necessity for several reasons. For example in a group or organization, the well being of the people depends on how efficient and effective that group or organization works.

The group or organization is also dependent on how the members work well with the management.

An ineffective group or organization can really be very frustrating.  An effective group or organization can also ask so much on their members, that sometimes the members would be having no life outside the walls of the area where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of their life just to meet deadlines. For an organization or group with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown.
 
People or other entities who depend on these groups or organization also suffer.
 
Society is defined as a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their share in order to achieve  a common goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and respect are manifested, can make society work better. In this way each member works for the good of the whole and towards achieving a common goal. This can only be attained with effective and efficient relationships.
 
Understanding the other parties’ feeling and position creates an effective and efficient relationship. The easiest method to understand what is important to another party is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. When the other party realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them

Effective and efficient relationships require parties to openly express their feelings and positions on all matters pertinent on the relationship. Assuming that the other party understands our needs and give us when we need it without asking for it is not a good practice.

Respect is the key to relationship. In order to create a more effective relationship, parties should treat each other with respect.  We can show respect just by listening to the other party and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to other parties by confirming that they are doing everything they can.

The opposite of respect is quick forming of judgements based on unfounded facts and prejudice.
 
Respect is the very foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.

Another key area in forming an effective relationship is to tackle differences of the other party directly. Differences between parties or people are quite interesting. For example in a conversation where each party listens to the other party, you may observe that each is having two different perspectives.

Work towards a win-win solution for both parties.

This can be done when at least one party acknowledges that the relationship is important. That party would then exert more time, effort and energy to understand the other party’s needs and deal with it to get it out of the way. Should they fail, it is comforting for that party to know that they tried.

Effectively listening and no pre-judging. This is important if parties are to understand each other.

Informal discussions are conducive for parties. They bring out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly.

Developing an atmosphere where the other party can express their feelings when they need to.

When parties fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings, it can get in the way of building an effective relationship.

Parties should be aware that certain things exist naturally but should be controlled in any dealings in any relationship.  Human nature is one. Some of these things found in a relationship also include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person or party for a strained relationship, excluding the other party’s feelings when focusing on a task, no clear and defined objectives, roles and expectations of each party in a relationship is also unclear.

Relationships are important to anyone, addressing issues and problems right away is a must to further improve the relationship. As they say ‘No man is an Island’.

Warning Signs: Your Guy May be a Mr. Wrong instead of Mr. Right

By: Cathi Adams
 
1. He always make plans at the last minute.

He may have several rods on the fire. You might not be his favorite rod. If nothing else comes along then you pop into his head. Some men just like to keep their options open. They have several choices available and don’t want to make the wrong decision or commit to a date too soon in the event that something better might come along. You have to decide if this is something you can tolerate. If you are not that into him either, it may work out perfectly for you (a girls gotta eat), but if you are waiting by the phone this may be sign to move on. I personally would not feel I was being treated respectfully in this situation.I would feel I deserved to be treated better.

2. He’s not taking an active role in becoming part of your world.

If a man is serious about you, he will usually make the effort to get to know the people who are important to you. Whether it’s your friends or family, he will want it to be known that he is your man and he will usually try hard to make a good impression. This is how some men mark their territory. Hey, it doesn’t hurt if everyone loves him and sings his praises to you. If he doesn’t care about that, he simply might not care about you. If he does care about you, but doesn’t want to be involved in your world… well, that’s a whole other story. You come to your own conclusion, but if it were me… I’d rethink the relationship.

3. He doesn’t go to events that are important to you.

Once in awhile if he has a good excuse or is ill or something…that’s ok. If you see a pattern, it may be time to trade up. Something that is important to you should be equally important to him. If it is not, then it might be a sign that either he is not that into you, he prefers his friends to you, or he is simply too self-centered to stop for a minute and please someone other then himself. If you’ve really hit the jackpot, he may be a combination of all three. Either way, pay attention to the signs and decide if you feel you are worthy of more.

4. He stays in close contact with his single friends.

If a guy does not part with his single friends, you can be fairly certain he is not going to give up the single life either. Some guys are just players: they have to keep their options open and have a certain amount of emotional distance. Having single friends when you are dating is the best of both worlds. He may continue to get close to you, but his friends are never far behind. They attend events with you and have permission to just drop by at their whim. You don’t want your guy to give up his friends, but it may be a sign of trouble if he insists that you spend most of your time together hanging out with his buddies.

If he is not a player, but just very social, make sure your needs are met as well. Hanging out with the buds can be fun, but sometimes alone time is also needed in a relationship. If the situation meets your needs, then great. If not, then decide if this is something you can get used to.

5. Night time is the right time… all the time.

If he loves the nightlife and the nightlife loves him even after you have been dating for a while, this might just be his way of life. If this is your way of life, then you have just met your soulmate. I wish you well. However, historically when couples first start dating they tend to go out a lot, stay out late, and dance the night away. Once you settle in, though, and get closer in the relationship, the pendulum swings to quite nights at home and romantic dinners. If this is where you are hoping the pendulum would swing, then it may be a good time to express your needs and see if he can meet them. Don’t ask or expect him to change if that is who he is and what makes him happy. Accept the fact that you want different things. It may be time to send this one back and explore the other “fishies in the sea”.

6. You never see him more then once a week (ok… sometimes twice), even after you have been dating several months

Is he super busy or are you play toy number 7? He might have one for every day of the week, and you only can see him twice if numbers 1 through 6 are busy. Hey, it happens … mostly because he has been allowed to get away with it. Just don’t be naive and think he is sitting home 6 nights alone. If this is acceptable to you, then by all means enjoy your time together when it happens. I guess you will certainly never get sick of each other. If you need more see if he can (or more importantly will) meet your needs. If not…get those shoes on and start walking.

7. You only have his cell number after you have been dating each other for a more then a month.

If it’s been months and you haven’t asked him about that…allow me…he’s either living with someone else or he doesn’t want you calling his house in case he has another woman over. The cell phone he can turn off or set to vibrate… How perfect is that? When you are into someone (and not dating other women too) you want her to feel free totally comfortable calling you anytime. It shows commitment and openness. If he is not showing these signs outwardly, it might be an indication that you are dating a very busy man. If it feels like a duck and quacks like a duck… yup, it’s a duck. This little trick was used on me, and I must say I didn’t catch on for quite a while. I was too naive…I’m all grown up now.

About the author:
© 2004-2005 Cathi Adams.

Cathi Adams is the author of “Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know.” This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce. Visit her web site for a FREE report -What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.divorcedefense.com/.

Tips For Hosting a Party!

By: Royane Real
 
If you have never hosted a party before, it can be a little intimidating the first few times you do it. You may feel more at ease by hosting small parties until you become more experienced.

The first step is to decide what kind of party it will be.

Will it be formal, or informal? Large or small? Indoors or out? Who will you invite? Will you serve food and liquor? Are you celebrating any special occasion? How much money do you want to spend? How much space do you have?

These are just some of the decisions you need to explore before you start issuing your invitations.

Once you have decided on these matters, pick a date, time, and location, and draw up a list of people you wish to invite.

Depending on the custom in your social circle, you can issue formal written invitations, invite your guests by telephone, or ask them in person.

Whatever method you choose, it’s a good idea to issue your party invitations at least two or three weeks in advance.

One of the most important aspects of throwing a party is to make sure that all your guests understand exactly what kind of party it will be, and what is expected of them. Be very clear about the exact time, date, and location of the party.

Here is a checklist to help you make sure your guests know what to expect:

-Is the party formal or informal?
-Is it a costume party?
-Does the party have a theme?
-Are you supplying food? Will you provide a full meal, or just snacks and appetizers?
-At what time will the food be served? Will it be a formal, sit down meal? Or buffet style?
-Are you supplying alcoholic beverages? Do you want people to bring their own beverages?
-Do you want the guests to bring anything, such as food, appetizers, party favors, or liquor?
-If you have any unique requests, make them very explicit. For example you may not want anyone to consume alcohol or smoke on the premises.
-Do you want people to bring their children, or leave them at home?
-Does the party start exactly at a certain time, or is the starting time approximate?
-Is attendance “come and go”?

A few days before the party, telephone everyone on your list to remind them again about your party, and to have them confirm whether or not they will be attending.

Parties can be very simple or they can be quite elaborate affairs.

You can create a memorable splash without spending a lot of money.

Use your imagination to turn your party into a unique event. You can get lots of great creative ideas from magazines, television programs and books to help you plan interesting activities, food, and décor.

Don’t get too carried away–the focus should always be on creating a warm, enjoyable experience for your guests. You are not creating a theme park.

One of the easiest kinds of parties to host is a potluck party. In this type of party, you are not saddled with the overwhelming task of preparing all the food yourself. You simply ask each person or couple you invite to bring some food for all to share.

If you are a very good cook, you may prefer to do all the food preparation yourself. Howevery, you will still benefit by asking a friend to help you get everything ready. You may want to start all your preparations one or two days in advance.

Before the party starts, be sure that the house is reasonably clean and that you have enough chairs, plates, cups and glasses for everyone. Have enough containers available for trash. Pick out some music selections that your guests will enjoy.

You will have much more fun at your own party if you let go of the idea that everything has to be perfect. Parties are not about perfection, they are about fun. Things that go wrong may seem disastrous at the time, but they may seem very funny later.

Try to be at the door to greet each of your guests as they arrive, and thank them for coming. Let them know where to put their coats. Tell them when and where the food will be served and show them the location of the bathroom. Introduce any new arrivals to the people who are already present.

If any of the people at your party seem to be especially shy, be sure to introduce them to others who will talk to them. If you notice someone who seems to be alone a lot throughout the evening, you can ask that person if they have been introduced to everyone at the party.

Sometimes people who are socially awkward will leap at the chance to help you with some party chores. You can ask them politely if they would be willing to take around a tray of appetizers to the guests, or help pick up empty glasses.

Try to get to each guest several times throughout the evening, and don’t play favorites, ignoring some, and monopolizing the time of others. If at all possible, try to speak to your guests as they are leaving and thank them for coming.

Who knows, you may enjoy hosting a party so much that you will do it again and again!

About the author:
This article by Royane Real is taken from her new book “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want – Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends” Sign up for her free newsletter filled with Life Improving tips! http://www.royanereal.com.

The Logic Of Females - Or Lack There Of

By: Jack Crow

Many males complain that they don’t understand females. Many females complain that they don’t understand males. We also have the classic saying that men are from mars and women are from venus. Physically both sexes are very similar and are of the same species so what is the problem?

After much reading on the subject, there seems to be a general consensus that there is a fundamental difference in the way men and women think. The bottom line is that men think with logic but women think with emotions. This is why a male gets so frustrated with a females sometimes irrational behavior.

Additionally, a female rarely says directly what she wants. Instead, she will use reverse psychology by asking the male a series of questions until she gets the desired answer. If she does not get the desired answer she will take the huffs and give the male ‘the cold shoulder treatment’. She thinks this will alert the male that something is wrong and he will do what she wants….with out actually telling him |:(

Meanwhile the male is left dazed and confused as to what happened. After which an argument is usually required to get to the bottom of the problem. The whole situation could have been avoided if the female had stated directly what she wanted in the first place.

When asked why they do this, most women will either answer that they don’t realize they’re doing this or they simply don’t know why. Many an argument could be avoided if what came out of a girls mouth was the same as the thought that was processed in her brain. But alas, it is not.

The classic example is a couple driving along a road. The female is hungry so she says to the male ‘would you like to get something to eat?’ The male replys ‘no thanks I’m not hungry at the minute’ and keeps driving. She then takes it thick because she didn’t get the answer she was looking for. If she had said ‘I’m hungry, pull in at the next shop so I can get some food’ he would have done just that without question.

This all stems back to the fact that a female thinks with her emotions, not logic. This is why a male cannot understand a females rational. Males cannot read between the lines. They are not psychic or clairvoyant and they need everything spelled out to them in black and white.

Males often also complain that females are moody, have mood swings and show irrational or erratic behavior. This is especially apparent in times of stress, emergencies or significant events where body chemicals and emotions are highly stimulated.

Because a females behavior is affected by her emotions and her emotions are affected by her body chemistry and her body chemistry is in a state of flux from one month to the next, it can only be expected that a female would exhibit erratic behavior that is a mystery to a man whose body does not go through a constant monthly cycle of change. Re-read that last paragraph guys if it went over your head.

Unfortunately this behavior is genetically built into a females body. So sorry guys, you are going to have to live with it and while you can’t get rid of it, you can at least be aware of it and try to understand it.

So in short, guys need to try to interpret better what a girl is saying, as it may not be exactly what she means. Girls need to try better to say exactly what they mean, if they want their guy to do what they want, without playing head games with them. Weather this is actually possible (as it goes against our genetic programming) is another case entirely.

About the author:
Jack Crow is a freelance writer and part time webmaster. When he’s not building web sites he’s checking out new dating sites that appear on the net. To see what he thinks of them visit:
http://www.sexy-american-singles.com.

The Final Solution for Dating

By: Steve Sokolowski
 
I run a blog where I discuss the topic of the many games people play in the dating arena. I’ve posted hundreds of articles, many of which point out many of these troubles. Even if you haven’t read the blog, you probably are aware of some of these schemes. While I wish it were easy to sum everything up into one neat, overlying problem, it’s not that simple. Let me point out just a few of the issues.

For one, there’s a definite lack of respect in dating nowadays. People don’t even care about their partners enough to treat them as they deserve to be treated. Gossip, ridiculously high expectations, and rejections by ignorance are only some of the examples in this area. Grandparents are always carrying on about how today’s generation has such a lack of respect. They talk about how, in their day, people cared about others and banded together through difficult problems. Why do they talk about these things? Because they’re right! Through every activity in which I’ve been involved, I’ve encountered this problem. I’m tired of working for a hundred hours on a video project when the president of the organization receives but doesn’t bother to even reply to your E-Mails asking him to review it. I’m sick of being ostracized from groups because I don’t care to participate in their petty disagreements. And I’m exhausted after people expect me to work to death in volunteer organizations!

There are always exceptions to this rule, and I’m sure that there are many people who do have a great deal of respect for both their peers and their elders. Unfortunately, the majority, or at least the majority with the most influence, simply don’t care.

Second, nobody is honest with themselves, let alone anyone else. Dating has turned into a torrent of backstabbing of which even Mark Burnett would be proud. Asking someone out is nearly impossible, because the gossip about it has already spread to a thousand people before you make the move. Then, when a rejection occurs (even if it’s not rude), the rejector spreads rumors around to all his/her friends that cause them to completely ignore you, refusing to invite you to parties or even to initiate conversations with you. The biggest insult is that even if you asked point-blank, you’d still never get a truthful answer as to why such harm was directed towards you.

As if what occurs after a rejection isn’t enough, people attempt to steal others’ girl/boyfriends. One day, things are going well, and the next you find yourself wondering what happened to the relationship that was forming - that is, until you notice that person spending a lot of time with who you thought was your best friend. No explanation is offered, not even a “good-bye.”

Third, people are not looking for someone who spends his or her time working to get ahead instead of getting flat-out drunk, who doesn’t curse at or ignore his or her mate, and who actually makes time for whatever is occurring between them (whether it be a full-fledged relationship or just plain sex). They say they’re looking for these things, but in reality, they’re attracted to people with the attributes described above. “Confidence” is not the answer to the equation. Assuming they both possess the same level of “confidence,” the above-described person would win every time over the “warm, caring, and intelligent” (wo)man that people claim is the ideal mate.

The list of problems goes on. You might be intrigued to hear that while the problems seem innumerable, I propose they can all be rectified with the simplest of solutions. There’s no danger involved, nobody has to lead radical changes, and it doesn’t involve an “impossible” fight against biology.

I simply propose for men to stop asking women out.

Not for the rest of your life, but for just a short time, say, a month. It’s not impossible, and you won’t have to do it as much after the month passes. While there are a few (rare) exceptions, the vast majority of women don’t ask out men 50% of the time. Women do have the advantage in dating, and it’s time to level the playing field. Sure, talk with women as friends, and if someone initiates a conversation with you, then definitely reciprocate. However, let the woman ask you out if she’s interested, no matter how attractive she is to you.

Some women have never asked anyone out in their lives. It’s no wonder why these women continually treat men like they’re lower beings. If they had to put up with the rejections that most men do all the time, I guarantee that they would have more respect for men. Women would no longer put up with moving from guy to guy based on who was interested in her at the moment. And spreading gossip about potential romantic interests certainly isn’t going to help one’s prospects.

People need to realize that humans, for all their ancestry, are not monkeys or horses or rabbits. They’re humans, who can think and act for themselves.

Men have so much more capacity in the dating arena than constantly looking for sex at all costs, if they would only exercise it. It’s time to stop being prisoners to so-called “biology.” Women have the same urges men do, and they should do half the work, not 10% or 20%.

There are a lot of “seduction communities” on the Internet that teach men how to “seduce” women. I don’t know of any similar organization that teaches women how to impress men with the same fervor.

There’s my proposal. I don’t think it’s hard to implement. Imagine if all the men even at one corporation or university decided to ban together. Laziness won’t be a problem, becausenobody even has to do anything. It’s time to change our distorted culture. All I’m suggesting is to promote equality. Is that such a bad thing?

About the author:
Steve Sokolowski is the editor of “Games are for Children” (http://www.shoemakervillage.org/games), a dating blog that implores people to rise above the pettiness present in today’s dating world.

The Cyber Lothario

By: Kathryn Lord
 
Are you writing to someone who is romancing you off your feet? Does this guy seem to know just what to say or write that gets you a step or two further down the garden path?

Perhaps more dangerous than the notorious Internet rapists and murderers are the Cyber Lotharios. Maybe you know one. Smooth as silk. Seduction is his native language.

More dangerous, because these guys (well, maybe there are girls too, but I am more familiar with the guys) are GOOD.

These guys are the Internet equivalent of a Bill Clinton, if Bill Clinton hadn’t gotten caught. They are the cyber version of handsome — they write beautifully, know just what you want to hear and tell you. They POUR it on, and for a thirsty woman, it is nectar from the Gods.

These fellows post on dating sites indefinitely, waiting for the unsuspecting newbie to the dating site. You might contact him, he might contact you, but like a used car salesman, he knows a pigeon when he sees one.

Then slowly, softly, but determinably, he has his way with you.

How do you tell if you have one of these guys on the wire? What if he is a really nice guy, really meaning every word he says?

Well, one thing would be if you find yourself agreeing to things that you never would if you were in your right mind. Particularly if that has to do with sex. Or maybe money.

These guys make manipulation feel like a warm bath. You just slide right in and it feels delicious.

But there is a certain vagueness, particularly about past relationships, and perhaps about future plans. These guys may reassure, but they also will leave themselves a way out.

How can you tell?

Well, one thing you can do is ask for a relationship history. Then pay attention to how he responds, as well as what he actually says.

Does he groan and moan about doing the job? Is he grudging in what he tells you? Or is he open and serious, understanding what you are asking and why?

Does he seem to have trouble remembering his own history, what her name was, what order the different relationships came in? Is he reluctant to divulge, or does he sound like he is fudging?

Does he seem to be moving you fast towards a romantic getaway? Maybe he makes plans for the two of you to meet, and reserves only one room. Is he heavily sexually suggestive and titillating? Does he ask questions like “What kind of lingerie are you wearing?”

Even though a new and legitimate relationship can be highly sexually charged, a guy who is seriously interested in you and a possible future with you will be protective and understanding of you and your feelings.

If you feel antsy, pay attention. If your hormones may be doing your thinking, put on the brakes. Better to let this dangerous Clark Gable type swim away than to be left flat and busted.

Kathryn Lord © 2004 All Rights Reserved

About the author:
Kathryn Lord, Romance Coach / Helping Singles Find A Sweetheart!
eBk: “Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women.”

The breakdown of relationships and why they fail

 By: Jack Crow
 
All females need sexual tension from a prospective or existing partner to consider having or continuing to have, a physical relationship with them. Lose this from the start and you will become mayor of the friend zone.

Definition of sexual tension - Cocky and funny. A loud mouth, walking the thin line of winding her up without overly offending her. Posing as a challenge and not doing everything she says without a bit of give and take.

No sexual tension = a dead relationship.

There are 4 general types of relationship.

THE FRIEND ZONE RELATIONSHIP

Familiarity without sexual tension. (Usually the male not opening his mouth to challenge a girl he REALLY fancies.) This leads to complacency in that the female becomes numb to the presence of the male (because he doesn’t stimulate her emotionally through lack of communication) and associates him as a social partner only. This leads to, the friend zone. The male is permanently seen as a non sexual friend only. Once a female has made up her mind that you are a friend and she says the F word. It is the kiss of death for any attraction you have for her. You will never have a physical relationship with her from this point onward and will spend the rest of your time with her, hearing how she got off with this great guy at the weekend. All the while you’re dying inside. When you eventually tell her how you truly feel and she rejects you. She will sit and wonder why you are not answering the phone any more as you were a great listener to her problems.

PURLEY PHYSICAL ATTRACTION

Purely physical attraction. After a while a lack of sexual variety leads to complacency in both parties. Boredom / lack of sexual tension makes both parties become fed up with each other quickly. This leads to a breakup of the relationship and both parties go their separate ways. This type of relationship can be prolonged if both parties are willing to explore their sexual fantasies and keep variety in the bedroom. The long term feasibility of such a relationship is still in question.

PHYSICAL ATTRACTION & SEXUAL TENSION

Physical attraction + sexual tension equals love at first site. Female tries to change male to her ideal image of a man. The male resists, lack of conformity equals continued sexual tension which equals a long lasting relationship viewed as love in a love hate relationship.

PHYSICAL ATTRACTION & SEXUAL TENSION VERSION 2

Physical attraction + sexual tension equals love at first site. Female tries to change male to her ideal image of a man. The male conforms and no longer poses a challenge. Female gets bored as there’s no sexual tension any more. Relationship starts to slip. Male thinks everything is ok as he is doing everything she wants but in reality, she has lost all interest in him. It is at this point that she will either stay with him in a purely partnership arrangement or leave him as soon as a better male comes along that stimulates her emotionally.

THE OVER POSSESSIVE PARTNER

The above scenarios do not take into account over possessive partners that bully or smother their partners to the point that they leave or attack them. This is known in some circles as ‘a bunny boiler’. So named after the film fatal attraction where an obsessed Glenn Close cooks the family’s pet rabbit in a revenge attack for Michael Douglas spurning her advances after a brief sexual relationship.

Usually over possessiveness stems from the insecurities or lack of trust in one partner. (They may have been hurt in the past and are determined to not let it happen again, to the point where it becomes an obsession.) Or they’re a total psycho, run for it!

Relationship number 4 is the most common. In general you will see it while at the shopping center. The husband pushes the trolley and every time the wife speaks, it’s either yes dear or no dear. The husband has conformed to do what the female requires in order to have a quiet life. The female thinks she is superior, in control and has mastered the art of man handling.

In reality she is destroying the mans animal attraction to her. She is slowly numbing him into an affair with someone else. Little does she know it but as he no longer poses a challenge to her, she is slowly becoming numb to him. As his animal instinct is tamed and he finds her attractive less and less, they will suddenly, one day, find themselves in a loveless marriage.

They will at this point be co-existing in a purely partnership based relationship for the sake of survival or because of children. This has lead to relationships breaking up after 30 years of marriage and both partners wonder why their marriage is so lifeless.

It has been described as ‘the spark fizzling out’. In reality it is the lack of sexual tension or sexual variety. Remember, a female thinks with her emotions and a man thinks with his…..err….physical attraction mechanism.

If a male no longer stimulates her emotionally, she will seek it elsewhere. Equally if a female is no longer sexually attractive to a man, he too will look elsewhere.

Don’t get me wrong ladies, some things can’t be reversed, like aging and the passage of time, but there are ways to grow old and still be sexy to a male partner. A boring sex life is a recipe for disaster and being sexy is more than a lack of wrinkles. If in doubt, it’s time to start experimenting in the bedroom to see what pushes his and your buttons. Explore each others sexual fantasies and do things you only dream about at night while your partner is asleep. You’ll be surprised how quickly your relationship bounces back as a result.

If you have any sense you will heed my warning weather you are male or female, married or just starting a relationship. Try to keep the sexual tension alive between the two of you. If not, you will be on the next train to dumpsville wondering why he or she slept with someone else.

About the author:
Jack Crow is a freelance writer and part time webmaster. When he’s not building web sites he’s checking out new dating sites that appear on the net. To see what he thinks of them visit:
http://www.sexy-american-singles.com.

The Appeal of a Bad Boy

By: Rion Williams
 
So what is it about the ‘bad boy’ that attracts women so strongly to them?

In case you did not know, a healthy traditionally raised woman would run as far away as she can from a bad boy because she knows that he will bring too much drama, pain and hurt to her in the long run. In a traditional society that is not influenced by popular American culture, the bad boy is seen as an outcast of society (unless idolized from American cinema).

They’re only real chance used to be with slummy women or those who were on the outside of society as well. Now of course the bad boy is glorified, as he is often the answer to a lot of our so called ‘bitches’ (in a respectful sense of those that define themselves as such) and their need for social validation on their level and also to keep them in check in the more traditional male-female relationship dynamic.

It is important for you to realize that bad boys do have a lot of drama, and troubles. Traditional women, I have seen personally stay away from these kinds of men.

I think if you can be a natural man and yet still possess some of these characteristics will still been in control of them, you will be able to also appeal to a woman’s social persona as well. This means doing things like being a little bit cocky, teasing her, enforcing your independent boundaries and generally not giving a damn.

Today’s women are so desperate for the underlying male-female relationship dynamic where the man is really the one in control, that they will often settle for bad boys and loser type jerks only because they treat them in the traditional dynamic of not letting them get away with crap.

A traditional woman does not have to try to get away with crap, because she doesn’t have crap that she is coming with to get away with. She is MUCH simpler and this is not a bad thing. This is why a normal healthy nice guy can easily attract a traditional woman anywhere in the world (as I’ve done dozens of times) and be fascinated how everything just is ‘natural’.

It is this ‘cultural differentiation’ especially that allows me to bring a great level of insight to the table. If you are a nice guy or a great catch, you should not want to become a bad boy just in order to get women because that may be all that you are a seeing that is going on and is not the only solution (not to mention unhealthy if you really aren’t like that).

A bad boy is successful with our (American) independent, hot women because he does not let them get away with crap. He knows how to naturally trigger the physiological and emotional response mechanisms of attraction in her because he is playing a strong male role that she is biologically forced to respond to.

There is a high amount of leverage in these women that will either work for you or against. She can be repulsed by one man and that same energy, even more strongly attracted to another. Maybe you have seen this in front of your very eyes.

Nothing has really changed when you look beneath it all, because our women find that none of their ‘real’ counterparts are acting like men anymore, so they end up going with the bad boy or someone who they know is not healthy to be around, yet is the only one that is giving her the natural triggers of uncontrollable attraction which is irresistible to her.

My good news for you is that you do not have to become a bad boy, like I said, you can actually be a pure natural who is above the level of player status when it comes to attracting women and being successful with them.

Nice guys still have a chance but only if they really understand the concepts which I cover in my “Men’s Guide to Women”.

Ten Tips On How To Get That Guy

By: Roy Barker
 
1. Show the Guy That You Are Vulnerable

Men need to feel needed, yes it may be from the dinosaurs but it does still apply. I do not mean that you have to be weak, give in to whatever he wants, and put up with any way he treats you I am not suggesting that. Many men like strong women, but strong women who put out that they do not need a guy often end up alone. It is fine to be strong but try and temper it with “ok here is a situation where I can be vulnerable”. Men have a strong protective instinct, though they may rarely show it.

2. Let The Guy Think That He Is Doing The Hunting

Men love the thrill of the chase, it is in their genetic makeup, it is definately a male thing. Play a little secretive and hard to get, and men will flock like bees to honey. That means having a sense of your own worth, men hate women who are clingy. They are not props, they hate boosting a womens ego all the time. In fact men want a real balanced person. Make him feel he wants to make the first move and do the chasing. Women learn to manipulate men at a very early age. By the age of five most girls have learnt how to wrap their father around there little finger.

3. “Let The Guy Think That He Is Mr Right Rather Than Mr Right Now!”
Stroke their egos, they are not a ticket to go out and pay all the time, let them know that you really value them as a person.

4. Laugh At His Jokes
This is imperative that a man feels he is funny and witty and is an extension of three, they are valued for their sense of humour. Where would we be in life without
laughter.

5. Never Call Him After The First During The Next Week
If a guy is interested in seeing you again, trust me he will call you in the first week. He will do this even if he says he has to go out of town. If you call him, you come
across as over-anxious. You appear desperate, and are more likely to scare the guy off. It is OK to ask him out the first time but not the second.

6. If You Are Dating Online Get A Professional Photo Taken At A Studio
When dating online you have to market yourself to be successful. A professional photographer will know how to get the best shots out of you and make you look your very best.

7.Don’t Go Out With Your Girlfriends In Large Groups
Some men feel that approaching a women in a large group is intimidating. Go out in smaller groups, and make it easier for an interested guy to approach you.

8. Approach Him
Be confidant enough to approach him and ask him if he wants to go for a coffee. If you’re not sure whether he is gay or not, then approach him anyway.
If he gives you the brush-over then you have lost nothing, but you can pat yourself on the back for taking the initiative, most men will be flattered by this.

9. You Like Him But He Is Ignoring You
Guys are insecure, and they want to feel liked, and popular. Start ignoring him for a while, not rudely, you don’t have to make an issue out of it. Just look right through him, and he will start to be piqued. There is no guarantee here he may not take it any further, it may just boost his confidance, but you have not lost anything

10. Don’t Appear To Be Desperate
Desperation is a real turn off for men. It is an indicator that a woman is going to start to get clingy, and that is not good. Appear yourself and show a friendly interest.

About the author:
Publisher & Author: Roy Barker. More related information and recommended guides can be found at http://www.datingxlence.com/ a site renowned for its reviews on the top dating sites and that’s only after they have screened out the others. These are also accurately categorised for your ease of use and selection. By the way, this is a free service.

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